Recommend a book that is. Are you apt to recommend books you love? Do you share books that stir your soul? You know, those books that have you feeling and smelling and tasting the very air the story lives in. (Where the Crawdad’s Sing is a prime example of writing that is so descriptive I could smell the rotten egg scent of the marshes and feel the energy draining, moist, humid air settling on my brow.) A book that has you asking questions, that generates gut reactions, that tells a story so compelling it triggers tears, stirs up memories, gives rise to thoughtfulness. It’s the kind of book that bears scrutiny, invites reflection, garners contemplation and has you reading well into the wee hours of the morning only to look forward to picking it up again the next night, and never wanting it to end.
Then there's those books that don't do any of those things? That book that you can barely get through but have given it the ole' college try. That book you've started three times and it still isn't jamming with you. That book that makes you wonder, truly wonder, how could it possibly be on a Best Selling list? I mean, who decides these things anyway?
Recently, I shared BEWILDERMENT, written by Richard Powers, with a couple of friends. I won't get into the details of the book as you can look that up yourself and this isn't a book review but, I will say it touched me. It saddened me. It made me wonder. It brought up personal feelings, emotions, questions. It encouraged me to ruminate on the state of our world, of our place here and how we are doing. It brought up questions on how we manage our grief, from an adult's perspective, a child's perspective, a parent's perspective. I had to reflect on how our grief uses us, consumes us, changes us. How our undying love for another paradoxically gives us life when we are together and metaphorically kills us when they are gone.
It had me examine how we raise our children, the learning curve we naively embark on as we stumble about with our guidance, our advice, our love, our unknowing as to whether we are doing right by them. Children are precious innocence. I liken them to fragile pottery. We are the first hands that touch them, sculpt and mould them as they grow, paint them with all the colours of life and when we believe they are ready, we release them into the fire, where we no longer are their protectors, their guardians. Eventually, when they become fully baked we get to see who they really are. Their beauty is unparalleled, their foundation is strong while at the same time their hearts are still capable of being broken. They have emerged as unique masterpieces.
For me, this book brought up questions about the after-life and do we actually live on after our hearts stop beating? Do we ascend into the heavens and sit at the right hand of God, or find Nirvana, or live on a plain three feet above the earth, forever thirty years old and fabulous? Is life here on earth a series of lessons to be learned and when we die do we come back to learn more? Are we reincarnated or are we here just once, no re-do's allowed? Does our spirit stay here after our earthly vessels expire, watching over our loved ones as we speak to them in found dimes and flitting humming birds? Are we all star dust and energy and do we go back to that state once we have passed or, were we created by a Deity that we have been taught to follow in blind faith through life and death?
This book had me in contemplation over the universe, space, planets, stars, galaxies, the possibilities of other-life species, other worlds. When I look at the sky, I ask, as I'm sure most of us do, is there someone or something else looking back at me and if there is, what are they thinking about us? I'm almost afraid to hear the answers...almost.
It solicited me into querying how our society deals with Neurodiversity and what that actually means to those who are considered not neurodiverse. Is it really a deficit for those who are or have we made it that way? Perhaps those of us who are not considered neurodiverse are the ones missing out on things we know nothing about? Could it be we don't have the same capacity to live outside the box, as it were, and could it be that we are the ones whose brains work differently?
There was so much in this book that I related to in a visceral way and yet couldn't relate to other parts of it at all. However, in the end it did for me what I believe a book should do. It had me invested, it had me thinking, it moved me, it made me better for reading it and here's the really interesting thing; what it did for me was not what it did for two people who read it after my recommendation. One person liked it and we had some similarities in how the book resonated with us and the other person could barely get through it. The only reason they finished reading it was so we could discuss it, (kudos to them). I found it quite fascinating that two people I am incredibly close to, who share much the same in their lives as myself, had such interesting and opposing opinions.
How is it that I could be so enamoured of this book while one friend had an overall good experience reading it and the other friend did not connect with it whatsoever? What constitutes those connections one has with a story? Is it the subject matter itself? Is it an uncomfortableness with what is being said or how it's being portrayed? Was it just a boring subject for them? Was the pace too slow? Did it impinge on personal beliefs? Were the characters not relatable to the reader? Is the reader unable to form a relationship with the characters? Personally, I become very invested in the people in books. When I connect with them they are as real to me as they are to the author that invented them.
A little side story, I have a very close friend that speaks back to her books. She gasps in horror, cries in sympathy, yells at them to stop...it's quite a trip watching her read and interact with the story. It makes me smile every time I think about the first time we stayed together overnight in a hotel. We were both in our prospective beds reading and she kept saying things and making responsive noises. I was engrossed in my book so I kept thinking she was talking to me and I'd missed what she was saying, until I realized she was talking to her book. To this day we have a good chuckle over her particular reading style.
I suppose the moral to this story, (she said cheekily), is that which floats my boat or puts the giddy in my giddy-up won't always do the same for someone else. The beauty of being an individual with our own thoughts, likes, needs and wants is not having to agree with others but, we are still able to respect disparate opinions and respectfully discuss them. These are the perfect opportunities for us to have lively literary chats and debates. Having a discrepant view on the same subject allows us to nurture open-mindedness. It gives us room to ruminate, (yup, I'm here all week folks) over something from a perspective that we may not have even considered. It enables us to knock about the narrative in a way that may actually bring about something completely beyond our own scope of thought. Can you imagine if we were all the same? BORRRRRING!!!!
So, that brings me to the question of recommending books, should I or shouldn't I? On the one hand I take joy in sharing the books I love and I think others may love as well. On the other hand I feel a bit bad when they don't love my recommendation as they've invested their money and time all for naught. Does that make me responsible or only feeling like I am responsible?
Here's the thing, it's not about me (at least not this time). The rejection or dislike of a book I've shared is not personal and none of us are responsible for the outcome of another's preferences. What is good for the goose is not always good for the gander and in the case of a book recommendation, this holds true as well. I will keep recommending books. I also think if a book hasn't worked for me, I will let others know that as well. Sharing promotes reading, healthy discussion, acknowledges the work of the author and it is a terrific way to konnect on a level playing field, which is always a great place to start from, whether you like the book or not.
Are you going to recommend books you love? Are you going to tell people what you didn't enjoy? I sure hope so. Your voice matters just as much as anyone else. Please send me your recommendations and let me know what lit you up and what turned the lights down. In the meantime I'm off to start a new book. Who knows, I may recommend it...or maybe I won’t.
Love, Kiki
xo
"Think before you speak, read before you think." - Fran Lebowitz
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