Do you love Christmas? Do you love all that goes along with the holiday season? Do you love to give gifts? I know I do. I love the lights on our tree that reflect off the window glass and twinkle amonst the ornaments, casting a golden glow around the room. I love decorations on the fireplace that rest along the mantel above the stockings, hanging in anticipation of the Big Man’s visit on Christmas Eve. I love the holiday music that evokes heart-centred and fun filled memories of Christmases past. I love the requisite holiday baking, the boozy eggnog, a few fancy libations, bougie boxes of special chocolates and the prepping and planning of the finest feast to come.
And then there’s the gifts…I love how the presents look under the tree filling in the negative space with anticipation of being opened. They are so pretty and they remind me of those who love me enough to be given a gift by them. I love thinking about the people I’m giving to. Who they are, what interests they have and what would put a smile on their face when they open their present.
When I give a gift it certainly feels good to me. I get immense pleasure from the pleasure I’ve given. It’s not all about me, well, perhaps just a smidge. I do love that gift giving does have an element of satisfying ourselves. When we do something nice for someone else it results in an honest to goodness hit of dopamine, right to the pleasure centre of the brain and it has the added bonus of spilling over into the heart and soul. That is pretty special medicine in my book and not a single drug was taken by the giver or the receiver.
Let’s step back for a wee moment and look at the history of Christmas and gift giving. I promise, it’ll be quick and painless…In the Christian faith there were three wise men who travelled from afar to offer gifts to the new born Saviour, Jesus Christ.
“In the time of King Herod, after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea, wise men from the East came to Jerusalem, asking, "Where is the child who has been born king of the Jews? For we observed his star at its rising, and have come to pay him homage."
You can read the history here if you are so inclined:
These are know as the gifts of the Magi. I suppose the Magi could be considered the original Christmas Gifters, as it were. Each gift represented something related to Jesus; Gold was to honour The King of the Jews, Frankincense to honour Jesus’s divinity and Myrrh represented his mortality. Even two thousand and twenty three ish years ago…I say ish because there is an ongoing question of Jesus’s actual birth date, these men put impressive thought into their gift giving game.
They most likely had a pleasant journey, meandering along on their camels through the cool desert evenings as they followed the Star of Bethlehem toward the babe in a manger. Navigating your way by the stars was the original GPS tracking system and it is said that when the Star shone over the manger on December 25th, that is when the three wisemen began their journey which ended on January 6th, the Epiphany or Three Kings Day, twelve days later.
That leads us to the ever popular and often much maligned Christmas carol, “The 12 Days of Christmas.” The carol may have originally been written in 1714 but it did not really make it to the Top of the Pops until about 1780. Some say it alludes to Catechism and the twelve days it took the wise men to find Jesus, but no one knows for sure as its true origins are somewhat murky at best. Suffice to say that over the centuries the entire Christmas story has been adapted to suit the times, the faiths and the beliefs of those who rendered the adaptations. One thing I do know for sure is there definitely were not eleven Lords a Leaping over Jesus’s manger in biblical times…just sayin’!
So, here we are with another Christmas just around the corner and sadly, it seems to me that every year more and more people are Bah Humbugging the whole festive season. It’s too commercial, theirs too much consumerism, it’s unhealthy for the planet, there’s no meaning in it any more, it’s too expensive, it’s lost it’s way. Hands down, there is an argument for all of the above. There is an excess of consumerism and commercialism. We are inundated with ads and sales and emails filling up our inboxes. Sometimes I get the same company emailing me 3 to 4 times a day. Is there too much emphasis on the “stuff” of Christmas as opposed to the real reason to celebrate the holidays?
I have a retail online business myself and I can support those who are done or over the whole holiday whooha. There is freedom in having choice, so you don’t have to have anything to do with the holidays, at all. But, here’s the thing, no one has the right to shame anyone for choosing to celebrate.
Take for instance the whole Merry/Happy Christmas politically correct thing. Whether you are of the faith or not Christmas is a “Christian”observance, thus the term CHRIST-MAS. These greetings have been used for hundreds of years and there is no shame in continuing to use them. Should one wish to say Merry Christmas or any other pleasant felicitations, that’s their prerogative and personally I’ve never known anyone to be offended by a smile and heartfelt greeting.
Christmas has become a secular holiday, meaning there are millions of people of other faiths or no faith at all, that celebrate the season. They put up the tree and lights and give gifts and throw parties and feast and fight over who gets the wish bone and how old do you have to be to not sit at the kids table. They endure the parental inquiries as to “when are you getting married or having children? Your Aunty Agnes has five grandchildren now and they visit every summer.” Side note to my children if you are reading this, I promise never to be “that” Mom.
They choose to listen to Uncle Willy farting and belching while enjoying a tryptophan induced nap. Cousin Carol is cheating while playing Clue and little Johnny is on such a sugar-high he thinks he’s Batman, Wolverine and Barbie all wrapped up in Mutant Ninja Turtle jammies wearing a wrapping paper cape and wielding a rolled cardboard light sabre. This is Christmas and people choose this, every year. They dread it, they complain about it and one thing I know for sure, they wouldn’t have it any other way.
Now, maybe that is not the Christmas for you. Maybe it’s a night in a cabin with mulled wine and firelight, fur carpets and snow frosted window panes in the middle of a winter wilderness. Three good books, one furry dog and a partner chopping down the tree. (Sung to The 12 Days of Christmas). No decorations, no gifts, just you and nature and love.
Maybe your Christmas is you alone on your couch with a ginormous box of chocolates laden with caramel and nuts. You’ve got a 20oz Joy to the World Mug filled with hot chocolate and marshmallows and perhaps a splash of Bailey’s, you’re wearing your favourite flannel, buffalo checked P.J.’s while snuggled under the blankie your Gran knitted for you in 1978, while your feline fur baby is busy making biscuits for both of you.
Perhaps your idea of Christmas is an exquisite five star restaurant replete with white linens, bluesy, jazzy, oozy smooth notes that sashay along the air currents as you sip on chilled bubbly, while glasses tinkle in the background and silent servers glide about your table, slipping plates of Michelin star morsels in front of you without notice. There’s no one else there. Just the two of you, your perfume mingled in with a hint of his cologne, all alone in a crowded room.
Sounds fabulous anyway you slice the Yule log doesn’t it? Unfortuantely, it may seem perfect on paper but in reality Christmas has become a polarizing holiday. Get it?…POLAR-izing. You know Christmas, Polar Bears, the North Pole…? Is it too much? No, not my joke, the whole Christmas thing? For some it is too much. Too much money, too much stress, too much to do, too much excess, too much pressure. The expectations for pulling off a perfectly planned holiday season weighs heavy for many. I get it. I’ve felt those same pressures and expectations and have gotten myself into a tizzy over the turkey many times. It’s real and it can be over-whelming but, like anything else, it doesn’t have to be. If we took the outside pressure off ourselves and and refused to be led by others expectations and our own superhuman self-expectance, the Christmas Shame Game would be a non starter.
Since the pandemic it has become more and more difficult for many to be able to afford to look after themselves and their families let alone the worry of having to buy presents and meals and outfits and all the ordnance required for a successful season. Suit up ya’ll, it’s the holidays and we’ll die trying to get it just right.
For others it’s not that gift giving is unaffordable but the question of whether it’s really necessary? Do we really need more stuff?
There are ways to mitigate the stresses of the holidays, especially when it comes to the cost. Secret Santa limits the giving to one or two gifts for only one person. Maybe you are a one gift each family with maximum budget or maybe it’s stockings only or let’s give to a charity or philanthropically instead. Maybe your time is used to help others or animals and the gift you get back is knowing you’ve helped them. Homemade gifts of baking, crafts or artwork are a beautiful alternative to store bought presents. Some give the gift of experiences that could range from a night at the movies to a sleigh ride in the country to ice skating in the city.
You see Christmas doesn’t have to be boxes of things tied up with paper and bows and sparkly strings. It can be an afternoon with your bestie, a jar of homemade jam with a cloth top and jute ribbon. Christmas can be a home made or store bought card and a few words of love and gratitude for the receiver. It can be a live wreath or centrepiece made from the branches of cedar and holly you cut down yourself while enjoying a forest walk. It can be a group chat with your Aunty and cousins, decorating virtual villages and searching for hidden elves. Christmas can be anything you want it to be and the true gift is finding out what the meaning of Christmas means for you.
If the origins of Christmas are to be believed it started with Joseph, a poor Carpenter and Mary, the Virgin Mother. It was decreed by law the census needed completing which meant a seventy five mile road trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem, by donkey. I mean come on, I complain if my seat heater isn’t on high. Can you imagine about to birth the Son of God and having to ride a donkey for seventy five miles, then finding out your reservation was lost and the census people had taken all the rooms so the only place to settle in was a stable/cave? I am humbled by her endurance, in pain just thinking about my nether yeya on a donkey for seventy miles while carrying a full term child and thank the powers that be that I was born in the 20th century.
Jesus was born in that stable/cave, the King of all Kings, a gift from God and as he lay in the manger along came Shepards, sheep, drummer boys, pa rum pa pum pum, angels and wise men. They came from the ends of the heavens and earth to honour his arrival and present their gifts to him.
Since those times and somewhere along the way, faith has taken a back seat to the more popular festivities that come with the holiday. Yet, at it’s core, whether you are a Christian or not, the reason for the season is to embrace the spirit of love, of gratitude, of sharing, of konnecting, of rejoicing and of giving. Let’s allow that to happen without pressuring people into how it should or shouldn’t happen. Let’s not forget that everyone has the right to play out the Christmas season in their own way. Some continue on with traditions that cannot be broken while at the same time new traditions are being made. Each of us finds our way in making the holidays special and it’s not for anyone else to make it pejorative or shame their Christmas game.
I‘ve sat in church and been shamed from the pulpit because you only attend mass on Christmas Eve once a year and don’t do enough for the Church. I’ve read comments from covert computer keyboard warriors shaming people who choose to buy from big box stores. How dare they not support local. Ummmm, maybe local doesn’t have what they want or local is unaffordable and really is it anyone else’s business? I think not!
There are people shaming people, sometimes passive-aggressively, for polluting the planet with wrapping paper and ribbons and buying battery operated toys and shopping online and adding to the carbon problem because of deliveries. Really? Was their computer or phone not delivered, on a plane or train or boat? You know the device they are using to shame others?
Nobody should be playing those nasty reindeer games and no one should be allowing that nonsense to ruin their holiday. Remember, Rudolph got the last laugh over those naughty nose-shamers. Whose got red on their face now?
Shaming is shameful, no matter the situation, let alone at a time when people could really use an excess of positive, happy, holiday cheer. Life has been especially difficult these past few years on a global scale. We have all had our cross to bear, (that’s a whole other Christian Holiday) and many have had their lives rocked to the depths of their beings. The last thing anyone needs is to be shamed and blamed by a cancel culture, that in my opinion, has lost the plot. Ebenezer Scrooge and the Grinch Who Stole Christmas learned a valuable lesson when they played nasty. It took three ghosts, Tiny Tim, little Cindy Lou and the whole town of Whoville to help them see the error of their ways and they didn’t do it by shaming them. They did it by showing them what the real meaning of Christmas is.
So, wrap those gifts however you like. Put up your real tree or your fake tree and decorate it with your favourite things while listening to your favourite carols or watching your favourite holiday shows. Light the candles, eat the cookies, drink the nog, drop off a Christmas hamper or serve at the mission. Send money to Save the Elephants, go to midnight mass or pray to the God of your Heart before you lay your head to rest. Shop local or shop online or shop big box. Buy it all or make it all. Spend time with your loved ones and if you can’t be physically with them send them a card or an ecard or Facetime. There will always be those alone for the holidays that don’t wish to be alone. Invite them in or drop off a plate of brownies or enjoy a coffee or a walk together. Be kind, be giving, be supportive, be konnected, be the best of humanity and enjoy the flipping heck out of your festive festivities.
That is the spirit of Christmas. It is a time to create magical moments that will be remembered for lifetimes. Give Uncle Willy some Beano in his stocking and open a window. Tell Mom and Dad you know they are just looking out for your best interests. Let Cousin Carol cheat at Clue and as for little Johnny, just ignore him, the sugar-high will wear off and his light sabre will go out for the night. Hand out heartfelt hugs, send messages of grace and gratitude and be content in the knowledge that at least once a year, we can all be together, konnected in love, joy and the peace of the Holiday Season. There’s not an ounce of shame in any of that.
Love, Kiki
xoxo
”Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.” —
Hamilton Wright Maibe
My Christmas Tree, 2022
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