With half of my ethnic background being Scottish and Irish, it stands to reason why golf is a big deal in my life but, it hasn’t always been that way. My Father was from Glasgow and golfed from when he was a wee boy with his father and brothers. The passion runs deep in my family roots.
Golf was always on the telly on weekends when I was growing up, and I thought it was as exciting to watch as watching grass grow. Haha, grass, golf… get it? Anyhow, I spent as little time as possible torturing myself when it was on, yet somehow through osmosis and exposure, I learned a little about the game and even knew who some of the greats were of that time: Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, Gary Player, Tom Watson, Seve Ballesteros, Lee Trevino, to name but a few.
Of course, I was more familiar with American golfers than European players and had no idea that a women’s league, the LPGA, even existed. Occasionally, my Mother would go out to hit a few balls with Dad. She enjoyed it and if time and money were on her side, I think she would have been as avid a player as I am today.
Dad would take my brothers to the driving range or hit the links with them. He taught them the basics of golf and a love for the game. Unfortunately, my sister and I were never included in those golf outings. I pretended I didn’t care because it was so boring anyway but ya, I did.
Fast forward to my thirties, I was married with two children and a golf-loving husband who excelled at the sport and he always made sure to involve all of us in his love of the game. We spent countless hours together at mini-golf courses, putt-putt golf venues, and driving ranges. Our daughter perfected the art of the “re-do” during those family competitions, and we still use the term today. (The real name is a Mulligan)
Things all changed in my mid-fourties when we finally had the time to play together as a couple. From the first time I nailed the sweet spot, I was hooked. Interestingly enough, I also play with a natural draw or hook. Golf and I were meant to be.
I've been playing golf quite regularly since then and have realized that some of my most valuable life lessons have been learned on the course. Despite having been involved in various challenging sports like swimming, baseball, basketball, volleyball, rowing, track and field, and martial arts, I can confidently say that golf has been the most difficult and most rewarding of them all.
You know how it’s said that patience is a virtue? Right, well, tell that to a new golfer who can’t figure out how to connect a giant club head, attached to a skinny long stick, to a little white ball, with one easy swing, and then have it fly two hundred and twenty yards down the middle of the fairway, then do it again only with a different club, and then again but on a green, with a putter, into a teeny, weeny hole. I mean really, it can’t be that difficult, can it? It can and it is! (By the way, two hundred and twenty yards was in my fourties, not so much in my sixties).
Golf is not for the faint of heart, nor is there a place on the course for anger, impatience, or blame. It’s too windy. The tee is too high. My underwear is purple. A bird chirped. He’s breathing too loudly. Stop watching me. The club is too long. The club is too short. Why is the sun shining so brightly? It’s too hot. My pants are too tight. There’s a bug on the ball. I couldn’t see the hole because of a shadow. There’s mud on my ball… I think you get it.
Golf is a game that is played between the ears, and once all the cacophony that is swirling around inside your brain like a Category Five hurricane has calmed down, golf is about, “don’t think, just do.”
Golf is a game of feel. Breathe in, head down, slow down. It’s supposed to be relaxing and meant to have you let go of what’s going on out there in that often chaotic world of ours and challenging yourself while still enjoying nature, a long walk, and your playing companions.
A word of advice, unless you are out there playing for money, get over yourself. We are just so silly when worrying about what others think of us. I had severe performance anxiety, and if anyone was within three par five’s of watching me I couldn’t hit a decent shot. Eventually, with age comes wisdom and it dawned on me that no one else cares about my game; they only care about their own.
That’s Life and Golf Lesson Number One: Focus on your own game, not others.’ Now, don’t get me wrong, we are a brother and sisterhood that wants everyone to do well, that’s a given, but we don’t worry about what you’re doing when we have our own game to attend to.
Life and Golf Lesson Number Two: Anger does not make the ball fly better. You may hook or slice the ball, lose it in the woods or the water, top it so it only goes the distance of the next tee box, hit it so fat that half the course goes with the ball, or pound sand in a bunker only to look down and see the ball hasn’t moved. I promise you, no amount of anger will improve your game.
Trust me, I’ve been there. I would get so upset and frustrated with myself, and looking back on those early days makes me cringe. For some strange reason I thought I could play once a month, with no practice, and be on par with the likes of Nancy Lopez or Annika Sorensen.
I was not enjoying the game and rest assured, nor were my playing partners. Anger makes everyone uncomfortable and does nothing to help improve your skills. How you react determines whether things stay the same or move forward in golf or life, and moving forward is usually the preferred direction.
Life and Golf Lesson Number Three: don’t spend your hard-earned money on expensive golf balls unless your handicap (by handicap I mean talent and bank account) allows for it. Weekend Warriors do not need to use only the best when the outcome is often the worst. If your five-dollar balls end up in water hazards and forests never to be found again, start with the less expensive ones. Spend what you can afford and when you’re making the big bucks and the big putts, then go for the Pro V’s.
You don’t shop at Saks when on a Target budget so why golf with Champagne Balls when a bag of recycled Costco Balls will do? Besides, you can save the ball money and use it for golf clothes, just sayin’.
There’s a saying in golf: “Drive for show, putt for dough.” Watching a beautiful swing is akin to a gorgeous dance move. The backswing is full and graceful. There is a fluidity from the beginning of the swing to when the club and ball meet in perfect synchrony. It is powerful and precise, and when the swing ends, the finish is very pretty; body turned, toe down, heel up, club raised, eyes peeled. It is like ballet in motion.
That’s all show and who doesn’t love a good show? However, the true skill in golf lies in the delicate art of putting. The walk from the tee box to the green isn’t just walk and whack, walk and whack. It’s a journey filled with strategy, calculation, and focus. Putting is where your true mettle is tested.
If you can read the greens, judge the speed and break of the putt, maintain your composure, maintain your nerve and mental fortitude, use a precision touch, a keen eye, and a steady hand, that’s how you will win the game.
Life and Golf Lesson Number Four: It doesn’t matter how good you look, how powerful you come across, how big your head is, how long your reach is, how great your stage presence or whether you finish pretty or not. Every golfer has their own individual swing, just as we all have a unique DNA, and some people have incredibly unconventional ones and yet, eventually, they all make it to the green. It’s at that point where nuance comes into play, basically how well you read the room will determine the outcome.
Believe in yourself. Have faith that you’ll navigate the highest hills and deepest valleys. Understand that you have choices; hit just high of the hole with a slight left turn and you’re in with a one-putt. Hit right and low and you veer completely off the green. Fortunately, it’s still your turn and hopefully you’ve learned from the failure. I guarantee, eventually you’ll figure it out and sink the ball.
In golf the lower your score, the better you are. It’s a competition against ourselves, the course, its demands, and our abilities to see if we can conquer them.
We are confronted with numerous challenges, and each time we successfully surpass them our score decreases. When we are above par, we haven’t met the course requirements and still have work to do. When we are on par, we have met the requirements but can always improve, and when we are below par, we have gone above and beyond what was asked of us. Finish the hole with the least attempts and move on.
The funny thing is on the way to the 18th hole, on any given day, it’s never the same. One day you may be playing like Tiger (at least in my mind) and the next, you might as well dump all your balls in a pond and walk away.
Life and Golf Lesson Five: don’t expect the same outcome each time you step onto the course or out of bed. There are no guarantees on what will be played out in front of you at any given time. You can practice your heart out and you will never be perfect, not in life or golf.
Besides, practice is not about achieving perfection as there is always room for improvement. Practice is to make us better. Practice instills patience. It helps us to be kinder to ourselves when we mess up. It provides the ability to understand the whys and wherefores of the game on and off the course. It teaches us to laugh at our imperfections and realize that in the end, it’s not about how high or low our score is but that we gave it our best efforts and hopefully become a more well-rounded player along the way.
I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you a golf story because you’re not a golfer without a story to tell:
It was my first year playing golf. We were on a short executive course and the fairways were somewhat narrow and close together. It was my turn to drive and of course, I was anxious about my performance.
With fear and trepidation, I teed up the ball, took a swing, and produced a wicked slice. My partners were yelling “FOREEEEE” as the ball was detouring directly toward a group of players on the next fairway over. I watched in horror as the ball landed within an inch or two of a player and by some miracle, proceeded to bounce directly into the cargo pocket of his shorts.
Much laughter ensued and when I walked over to retrieve my ball he had placed it in the grass and put a quarter on it, a prize for my “hole-in-one.”
To date, it’s my only hole-in-one but I’m pretty sure I’ve got another one in me. Hopefully, it will be in a golf hole next time.
Well, we’ve reached the 19th and it’s time for Lesson Number Six in Life and Golf: Stay hydrated. Now, it’s definitely time for a libation. I’ll have an Arnold Palmer, please.
Love Kiki,
Xoxo
“I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.” — Bob Hope
Photographs by Christine Hayden
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