Bubbles or Substance...

I filched this title from a conversation a friend and I were having recently in regards to poor customer service. She said, "yes they are all bubbles but no substance." I immediately responded that I would be borrowing her acute observance (thank you Miss.M) and here we are, a whole new blog on the subject of bubbles or substance.

This is not about hurting anyone’s feelings or calling anyone a bubble-head. It's not a narrative about anyone in particular, but rather, a perspective from the point of view of a woman of substance who, truth be told, has very little time for bubbles these days, unless they are in Prosecco or Champagne. Then I can do bubbles all day long. Just kidding, two glasses and I'm done!

I've been having conversations with women of an age for many years now. For me and the majority of them, it was trying to understand who I was, who I wanted to be and really coming into my own didn't start until my early fifties. As a wife and stay-home Mom I was pretty typical of the demographics and the TV sitcoms of the day. My husband travelled a lot and ultimately it was our decision for me to be the constant in our kids lives. Consequently I chose to not work outside of the home and we were in a position where we could make that decision.

I, along with many of the women I've known, was the Mom who drove the kids to all and sundry, did all of the main household chores, sewed the halloween costumes, waited in theatre wings and sat in audiences watching our kids performances. We spent weekends on the beach and evenings at the ballfields. I coached basketball, sang in choir, read with kids at school, gardened an acre of land, painted porches at 2am and took in the strays, human and animals alike. It was a wonderful life and I don't regret a moment, yet, I often felt like something was missing for me. Where was I in all of this? Where was the substance of being me?

When the kids were smaller I tried building a dried flower business from home. It was fun and crafty and made zero money. When they were older I tried Real Estate. It wasn't me. All that shmoozing and vying with others for a sale, the 10:00pm contract negotiations, the open house weekends where no one showed and the threat of Real Estate jail with the missing of a dotted I or crossed T loomed over me, gave me anxiety and it just didn't fill the holes I needed filing. I couldn't live in that high-stress environment and if I wasn't making the sales it was costing me, in every sense of the word. Then I became a Realtor's assistant thinking it was a temporary gig and it turned a four year, full-time position with me running the business for next to nothing financially and losing myself and my health for someone else's success. Then I started writing, illustrating and self-publishing children's books. The creative in me was coming back and it felt good. It felt right. Have I made a fortune with it? Gosh no and most of my proceeds go to a Cat Fund. Then I became an Arbonne Consultant. The healthier, more balanced and living sustainably me was emerging. Have I become rich with it? No, not financially but wellness and knowledge on clean living wise, I'm a multi-millionaire!

You would think that with all of that I could figure out who I am and finally, I think I did! Today, I am an Author, Illustrator, Blogger, Artist, Health & Wellness Consultant, run my own Online Retail Store and I no longer am that person who thinks she has to conform and follow along or impress others to fit in or be successful. It turns out I was not the cool, hip lady who could hang with the twenty and thirty somethings at the pool in Vegas. I felt like I was treading in the deep end, barely keeping my nose just above water, gasping for air while attempting to fit in, to be a part of the whole trendy, vibing (not a word) scene, all the while desperately trying to hide my fifty something menopausal body in my bathing suit cover. I was surrounded by young, fit and fabulous women and men pumped up on life and their entrepreneurial endeavours. Kudos to them by the way. I loved the energy and vitality and exuberance of who they were. I just missed it by a couple decades. I embraced their excitement, it just wasn't what worked for me at that stage in my life.

I tried to be that social media presence who could do makeup videos, lead gripping interviews, be the funny lady and the wise fifty-something who is all that to everyone watching. At the same time I wanted to be taken seriously and come across authentically and again, as it turns out, I just kept feeling so out of place. I knew that some day everyone would figure out the real me or maybe they already had. At least that's what I told myself. After much flailing around, wondering how to keep myself from drowning in a pool of not me's I just decided to stop treading water for a hot minute and guess what happened? I wasn't in the deep end after all. I put my feet down and stood up. I found my footing, my piece of terra firma and I could breathe. The ground beneath me was solid and it helped me to feel strong and capable and confident in the space that I had to create for myself. Not for my clients, or my co-workers or my Mentors or anyone else, just for me. I found the way that worked for me. The way that had me feeling free from being what I thought was how I should be and I leaned into the person that I wanted to be, a woman of substance.

My point in all of this, do what has substance and merit and validity to who YOU are. Showing up at work or in life clothed in bubble wrap won't get you far and even if it does, those bubbles will eventually burst and there's nothing left but air. Getting back to the Customer Service Agent who tells a customer they are going to look after them and then they don't; all the cheery greetings and "yes mams" and "certainly sirs" in the world may appease someone temporarily but, if they don't follow through it's just all bubbles and no substance.

You are your own Customer Service Agent. You need to give yourself the best YOU possible. Dig deep and konnect with what aligns with you. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace. Be strong enough to know that if something isn't working for you it's ok to walk away. You are strong and capable and confident. Make promises to yourself and follow through with them. We often promise things to others and would never consider breaking those promises and yet we break promises to ourselves more times than we care to admit. Keep your self-promises in mind and try to remember why you made them in the first place. Strive to find the YOU in all the noise and when you do, that's a bubble no one can burst.

Love Kiki

xoxo

"Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow." - Aesop

First Children's Book Fair in Brooklyn.

This was my first Book Fair in Brooklyn, NY. I loved this day. It helped me understand the joy of doing the things that are true to myself. Take a look at my gallery to see all the photos from that time and then head to my Books to see my collection.